Dear Friends,
While it has been forever since some of us have seen one another, and I am not even sure if I have all of your email addresses which is why the LJ post.

I was without you all for the premiere of the 4th, and 5th movie, and it just wasn't the same. I realized when the 7th book came out that HP has the power to unite friends even those who haven't spoke in quite some time. So I am throwing out an invitation HP movie 6 comes out on Wednesday the 15th. Brandon and I could come to huntington, but I happen to have class that wednesday until 7, so if we want tuesday at midnight... that ight be incvonvient since people have to work, but we are flexible. We can find a place in the city! We can do whatever, but I would like to see this movie with friends who are as in love with HP as I am. So in old school, high school style... here it goes.

Who: All friends, near and far are welcome, new friends, old friends all friends who love Harry Potter.

What: Seeing the 6th HP movie, possibly with some costumes, possibly without, depending on the mood of those who want to come. If people would like to, we could always have snacks/dinner/dessert somewhere in the city? or H-ton?

Where: NYC? Huntington? Whatever is easier for the majority.

When: Anytime, either right after it comes out, or potentially whenver we can all get together, I am totally willing to plan, jut get back to me with both your current email address and when is best for you.

why: because I honestly miss every single one of you, and I feel like a terrible human being for getting so involved my own life where I managed to lose touch with all of you.

If you don't want to reply to LJ with your emails, email me, jessicaironman@gmail.com

This is a public apology as well as invitation, please reunite with me, over a HP!


When you have seen as much of life as I have, you will not underestimate the power of obsessive love.
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Lets spread some obsessive love!

I don't think I have ever appreciated a day off more in my life. Grad school is really hard, but I am really enjoying it, (not so much the schooling, but the part where they let me be a pretend speech pathologist)

I am so glad Brandon got into downstate because it's really kinda awesome living in NY, and with him. My life is very boring, although every now and again I will have had a funny session with a client, like currently I have a patient that is autistic and when things are funny, he giggles and then says "funny elephant" Haha, I really enjoy trying to get language out of him and I am honestly having tons more fun with him then I originally anticipated. I realize that I NEVER EVER want to work on kids with articulation problems, which is totally what most people think of when they think speech pathology, but correcting a lisp is probably the closest thing to pain that I can imagine in a job.

I am interested in adults and I kinda had no idea how much speech pathologists have to do with the whole end of life death and dying talks... (also not something I want to do) but definitely something I think I could do. Feeding and swallowing is like the coolest part of our field but of course things are changing by the minute with that stuff.

I still think I want to work in a children's hospital kinda doing it all, but we'll see where I am in 15 months when I graduate and am looking for a job. Hopefully this passion that I have for the field will not just disappear.

Last week I took out our cadavers brain, and my friend Ron said he wasn't surprised that I was one of the people that cut the body open. I am not entirely sure how to take that. But Brandon and I totally chat about our cadavers and the eccentricities of our "bodies" THis is one of those times, that generally I think we are meant to be together, because who else wouldn't mind me talking about our bodies 4th cranial nerve being so small and how she had had a stroke at some point before she died.

If you had told me even a few years ago that I would be dissecting a human body, I am not entirely sure I would have believed you. I do wonder sometimes if I could do medical school, because Brandon and I do have to learn alot of the same information and he's helping me study and I've helped him study... but I am just going to be a speech language pathologist and he's going to be a doctor.

Oh well, the point I suppose is that I am happy and learning lots and hoping that the next 15 months, goes a little faster then the last 6. :-)

As of 8:30am tomorrow consider me busy, as I am currently already overwhelmed at the coming semester.

I haven't written in here in awhile, but I think the last time I publicly updated I was pretty upset about the apartment life... I want to say, that is sooo not the case.

Brandon and I are super happy living in Long Island city, anyone is welcome to visit, we have a cozy apartment but the size of our kitchen makes up for the lack of closet space... it's the biggest kitchen in NYC, i fully believe that. You also might say, i thought you live in queens, but as I am closer to downtown then many who actually live in Manhattan, and the view at the end of our block has been on Top Chef NYC, we consider ourselves not of the bridge and tunnel crowd.

We are good and shockingly it is so much easier to have a relationship with someone when you get to see them everyday. We're good, Brandon's family is going through some stuff, and I think he's being a little overly reserved about it. Which is fine, except you know... I want to know what he's thinking, and what's going through his mind.

I am thinking I am terrified about my next semester of graduate school, we have neuroscience as well as A&P and dysphagia. I am excited to learn these things, but not thrilled to stuff my brain with the information. I think I am going to be a decent speech pathologist although I seem to be better at some things then others but that will i guess help me pick what I want to do.

Brandon is doing so well in medical school, like so well, i mean obviously he would never sit and brag about it, but I wanted to say he's doing really well and studying really hard but I think he really likes it and is learning tons, and in general is just doing well. So in spite of his auspicious beginning, he is doing fabulously.

I am also currently feeling very defeatist with myself. I can't motivate myself to lose weight no matter how badly i feel about myself. I mean yesterday I cooked dinner for like the next 3 weeks, and I made all healthy meals and the other day I went to the Y and swam for over an hour. but the thing is, I know this next semester is going to equal no time for me, so i have to choose between learning the stuff for class (studying), and sleeping and I just don't function well without sleep. I am just hoping that my externships will be closer to queens because I am one of the only people that didn't whine about my commute but it is draining, and I feel like I'm just making up excuses and I feel unhealthy and unattractive and I would really like to do something but I need some time... i don't have time to cook dinner, i don't have time to do anything, to make it to the gym and healthify my life... i want the time.

What else happened within the last year? Brandon and I graduated college, moved in together started graduate school and medical school, I think that's enough. haha. I miss Boston all the time, but we're so happy together and well, we'd love to hear from everybody. How is everyone in LJ world doing? What did you do this year that you are proud of? Anything you're still upset about?

Hey guys,
IT sucks again to be the bearer of the worst news ever.

Jana passed away last night. I don't have details of the funeral or wake services yet but I will let you know as soon as I do.

This sucks, and really if anyone needs to talk let me know.

Hey guys,
Um this seems to be the best way to get in contact with most of my friends from high school... and so... I got this message from Erin Doyle yesterday.

Hey Jessica,

I know this is probably the most impersonal way I could get in touch with you but I don't have your phone number and I'm hoping you'll see this soon- Jana is really not doing well and the doctors are saying she's probably going to go either tomorrow or friday. I will let you know the details of the wake and funeral as soon as everything gets set- I just saw you posted on her wall and I wanted to give you the heads up now. Sorry again for telling you like this... if you need anything just call me at _____________.

Thanks,
Erin

Everyone's thoughts are going out to Jana right now. I was completely blindsided by this information yesterday, and I just thought it would be good to keep everyone in the know.

Sorry if I ruined your day, i just thought you guys might want to know.

I haven't posted in a long long time. So I figured I would as I should be studying for 2 midterms and writing up a diagnostic evaluation.

I am good. I am excited that the semester is starting to draw to a close, (key word, starting) after next week my midterms will all be done and I will be thinking about finals. As well as having a new client in the clinic who, doesn't actually need help.

I have two clients right now and diagnostics. I am a little overwhelmed and I hope someday soon I know what I'm actually talking about. I think I am fairly good at the actual therapy. I work well with kids, and I am so interested in the hospital setting so I think I picked the right grad school.

I can't even tell you how happy I am to be living with Brandon, literally I am so excited to get off the train everyday and commuting is not a big deal because I am with him. I think I forgot how important the little hugs and things were, it's totally different seeing someone everyday and let me tell you it's all a lot easier to handle.

2 years and I will be a real SLP, that's a crazy thought. Wish me luck every now and again, as the schooling of an SLP is crazy and intense and next semester i may never come out of school again, but I will survive and I will be awesome.

Also, i read all of your lj's all the time so while I don't post very frequently, you who read mine, keep me amused by all your tales of life. So thanks. :-)

Date:	2008-08-23 08:35
Subject:	Jet Blue Day/ The in-laws visit
Security:	Public
Mood:	frustrated

Today is Saturday and I am too overwhlemed by the state of my bedroom to even bother improving it. It's horrifying. There's boxes everywhere cords everywhere and all sorts of crap around that I wish wasn't. Every day this week, this has not bothered me, but today... apparently all of Brandon's family needs to visit immediately. THey can't wait to visit when we are finally unpacked and decorated. Nope. That's ridiculous, they need to see him once a week.

This is not ok. I am all for the occational visit with the fam, and if siblings want to come by, they are always welcome (because they... do not judge me.) Brandon never fully grasped this. They are not judging him, because as far as they are concerned he would live in a hovel if he had his computer set up he'd be fine. I am just so not ok with the little judgements and comments that mean they don't like it... or me. It's bullshit. get over it. I'm who I am.

Then instead of staying home today all day and cleaning, Brandon is going to the test run of JetBlue's new terminal, which I mean if that's what you want to do is fine, but the only way I get to spend some time with him is apparently if I go too... when friends came over the other night two out of 3 rooms were very clean and we were fine, and they weren't criticizing being like your toliet paper roll doesn't have a home yet. HOW DARE YOU. But I will get some nasty comment from andrea or g-ma fran. We're working on it ok. I've offically lived here for a week! It's made an immense amount of progress in that time. Please next time wait until you are invited over before barging your way in. Thanks.

I am just so frustrated. It's not his fault but I am taking it out on him. hmph. Guess i shouldn't suck so much at life. hmm?

Happy Graduation everyone!

I hope everyone is doing well, and graduating happyily. Speaking as the most graduated... lol a whole two full weeks ago, long island is fine, come on back. Play with me. I can't wait to see you.

This honestly applies to everyone who would read my livejournal. Give me a call, or Brandon (he likes people to call him...)

I love you and would love to see you, also... we should hang out. ok? ok.

I'm graduating college in the morning. I never thought I could be so conflicted about this... so happy and yet, so sad.

Boston Cab, what's the deal?
Who put you, behind the wheel?
Learn the language. Learn to Drive.
Take a Shower and try to get me home alive.

So here's the update on my life. I got into two grad schools, New York Medical College (which is not a state school in spite of what some people think) and LaSalle in Philly.

Both are good programs, but I think I want New York Medical College more even though it would like kill me.

I don't get to actually make a choice yet because Brandon is still waiting to get into med school, which I know he will, it's just a matter of geographic location.

It's unfortunate however because I've been waiting to send out emails to people like James graber, SChwendy, Brandon's uncle Ron and aunt Debra, letting them know what's going on in our lives until we know something. We don't know shit. I don't know where I'm going and I am supposed to tell these schools by April 15th and April 28th... Brandon won't hear from some of his schools until maybe july. This is very frustrating on the part of, I don't want to wait until july to decide which program I am entering. I am graduating and everyone is asking me. I know it's hard for him as well, I understand that, however he's not really talking to me about how frustrated he is by the process. He just introspects even more and ignores me. Which makes this whole things so easy.

Brandon and I are having a joint graduation party on June 28th at my house. It is going to be a smashing good time, and you might even get to go home with a graduation duck if you're lucky. I am going to make a facebook invite once everything gets settled, apparently Brandon's mom and my mom are disagreeing on several things. Shocker. But as brandon doesn't have an opinion... and I do... I think my mom should win. Plus my mom plans more fun parties, they may not be as elaborate, but they're backyardy BBQy fun.

May 3rd I move home for the summer and I have no idea what I am going to do with my life because I haven't been hired anywhere yet, but I pretty much plan to apply anywhere and be like well I have a Bachelors degree so I think that qualifies me to serve sodas and fries.

I kind of need to make a buttload of money this summer so if anyone knows of anything... well please let me know.

So Ambiguity, not really a fan.

I'm not going to get into grad school.

Fuck. I can't sleep, i haven't really slept well in about a week. My throat feels like it's closing up and I can't breathe.

I got rejected from Mass General Institute of Health Professions on saturday, ok not the end of the world one out of my 5 rejected me. Except I've never been rejected before by a school, during high school every school accepted me and I thought I had a chance to at least get waitlisted but I got rejected.

Then I was freaking out in my head so I went to the ASHA website and did a little research... I had the best percentage of getting into the speech program at Mass Gen. They accept 100 people out of about 200 applications every year. I'm worse then 51% of the applicants... that is BAD.

Then, I looked at Rush, they accept 45 out of 159... so I have a 28.3% chance of getting there... so there I need to be better then 73% of people and I wasn't better then the 50% that applied to MGH and some of the same people probably applied both places.

I'm not even going to get into LaSalle they accept 66 people out of 186 applicants so I have a 35% chance of getting in. WHy didn't i pay more attention to these numbers before why didn't I apply to easier programs. I am not going to get to be what I've wanted to be since I was in 10th grade because no one will take me, no one believes I can learn and that's just not fair. I am smart, I work hard and I am so nice. Why is that not good enough? I was always told if I work hard and do my best I can be anything I want. WHy is not one place willing to accept me? I don't want to be a speech pathology assistant. I should have been a nurse, I can't do anything with my undergraduate degree. That was really really dumb of me. Maybe that's why I'm not good enough for any of these schools. They know I was dumb enough to believe I had a future.

I haven't updated in months, so i am... well what i should be doing is, well a number of things i am not doing but as i am sick and do not have the books to do half of the stuff i need to do and won't for a little while, and the other half involves the creative half of my brain... oh right here.

So, Brandon's getting interview's at med schools i am praying that all my schools got my information and already want to accept me but must wait to see if they have to offer me money... which is something i need to talk to my mom about.

Time is flying there are less then 100 days until i graduate from college, that is very ominous for those of you in my year... who got all excited i graduate may 2nd long before any of ya'll. Being an RA is going well i don't know how i will handle not living with some of the people i am living with right now and i think it might be very interesting because brandon and I often switch roles as to who is the "adult" and who is being childish... but if i'm not being the adult all the time in my other part of life... will i be the adult more at home with him?

The possibility still exists we will be living together although no word yet as to where or how (screams my bank account)

It kills me that other people are starting to hear about grad schools because their schools are rolling... none of my schools are rolling i didnt have to wait like this for undergrad... oh why whyyyyyy do all my schools not want to tell me if i can or can not get in. Don't they know i'm awesome? apparently not.

I'm excited because Brandon is going to be here for Valentine's day night, and i havent seen him on the day of valentine's day since high school. I think i'm the only one that is really excited about that but oh well.

Sadly i am on duty, so i have very few actual plans. Hm. Ron and Mike believe he's proposing... everyone seems to think they'll know when Brandon's going to propose before me. He wouldn't propose now just on the mere fact that he'd need to tell his parents... and he hasn't worked out how to do that yet... Where as my parents accept brandon into the family... and call him things like my "future son" and things that make me uncomfortable, his family (specifically parents) treats me like they've never met me before... howie gives me the awkwardest kiss on the cheek ever! and Andrea asks me questions like she's just met me, how are you? how are classes? Yes, i am fine... classes are fine... you've known me for 8 years! WHAT DO YOU PEOPLE WANT FROM ME?

Meh, Nancy & Debra & G-ma Fran love me and that's all that's important.

I don't know what the families are going to do when we move in together... to be honest I think that's a reason to get a video camera... because that move in... will be entertaining as hell.

Well, I haven't posted in months and as I am on duty and stuck in the office I thought I'd give a little updater.

Brandon and I are applying to med/grad school respectively. He has applied to 29 schools 19 of which are covered geographically by my 5 schools, if you'd care for an actual list of schools I suppose I could send you my excel file...

We're trying as hard as we can to live together next year and we're hoping for the best I am so done with long distance I am so ready to just have him in my life everyday because I miss him and while this year I have some fantastic new RA friends who i will talk about in a bit... I miss him it's not like i am not getting enough social time, i totally am, i am just not getting enough Brandon time.

Brandon and I are going to Rome! In January, we're taking a european vacation together and will be in Paris for 24 hours and then Rome for 5 days. This is kind of insanely exciting and I am thrilled to be going on vacation so much with him, we're always saying how we love to travel and it's really nice that we get to.

I am so busy RA'ing this year I've got a great staff 1/2 of which I have become ridiculously close with... so much so that after only 2 months of me knowing them they've weaseled themselves on to my "imaginary wedding" guest list. I've never had such close guy friends it's great, i'm learning loads more about sports haha and I just have never had guys that are protective like brother type figures of me before... i love it

What else is going on, i guess that's it really i mean lots of little stresses but the big one is the RA stuff and the grad/med school stuff...

one of my boys just walked in... haha i'm going to write more at time when i am not with my RA's,

I am lonely, i'm just a little sad because my friends haven't really said anything to me lately... like they all kinda went on vacation together and no one seemed to care that I am sad and lonely now that Brandon is gone. I've also been working 6am-2am days for the last few days so I am tired and I'm cranky and getting my period...

but it really sucks that my friends didn't ask me if I was ok. It sucks that they weren't like hey jess... when do you have time... you've been working way too long we haven't seen you in weeks maybe we'll find out when you can hang out.

I got a text message to ask if i could help people move today... sorry i did have stuff to do today during the day... but come on! Not even a phone call... not even a text... hey, how are you?

Especially when i told them that this year was probably the hardest year since freshman year of Brandon leaving because i'm going from sleeping with him every night waking up with him everyday to not seeing him for at least 6 weeks.

I don't know what's going on with me... it's not like me to stay in every night... but i feel like i'm just lonely no one seems to want to play with me right now...

Besides me wearing a LILY in my hair... how do you all out in LJ land think Brandon and I could better convey that we're james and lily... and therefore, dead. ?!?

Does anyone need any bits and pieces for their Harry potter costumes? I was in a store called the garment district up here in the beantown... and well it had many things for very cheap, graduation gowns, circular glasses... scarves and robes...

Seriously if anyone needs help for their costume it's literally a store where thift stores sell all their best things to, and it's cheap and fabulous, so let me know.

or if you're bringing a friend and they do not have a costume there were many a tie that could pass for raven claw or slytherin .

LET ME KNOW!

Brandon and I were going to get tickets... nd seeing as how it's going to be a very high school like weekend anyway...

The day after the harry potter book comes out, would anyone like to see gypsy with pattie lupone (she orginated evita and is generally uhh fabulous)

the tickets are like 25 bucks... and i don't know i thought... it might be fun to plan something like we were in high school again. :-)

Brandon's had a fever the last two days... i'm making him chicken soup from scratch and matzo balls... and i feel so jewish. haha.

I am happy i'm just upset sometimes. Knocked up made me feel alot better actaully.


Also... I got an email from schwendy today after i had emailed him and i was in a terrible mood... and had told him... like all sorts of crap about how upset i was people from high school drift away... he said

ps - i remember when i told you at graduation that you would hardly speak to anyone by the time you graduated college and you cried - and i felt like crap - i wasn't so far off the mark huh?

Why do i never listen to the older and wiser, i guess it's a lie you tell yourself to get through... like how all parents say, we'll still have sex after we have a kid and all engaged couples say that that angry bickering couple will never be them.

Oh well, I'm really looking forward to being a kid again for at least 2 days this summer... sooo who would mind alot... if both my sisters were to come with us to HP in the city? I know laura is annoying as fuck she's 12 and basically evil... but they really want to come... and my mom is learning the jewish guilt from andrea or something.

I have never gotten all A's before. Every single grade i got this semester had an A in it, two of them were A-'s but still they were A's!

And these are the subjects that like... i am majoring in... so it's great that I am good at these things because again... these are potentially my future.

Also in case you were wondering why my away message was "gone for a little bit" for like two days was because I went to Portland CT where Jenna my freshman year roommate lived and we played for two days and I got a dose of her family and high school we went and cheered jace on at his tennis match which was the most windy tennis courts i'd ever been on it was crazy... at some point the ball like stopped mid air and like started going backwards. crazy.

I am now potentially getting ready to move... backsitting on thursday and friday and hopefully studying for the GRE's to the best of my ability, but as i didn't actually study or learn anything for the SAT's... wellllllll it's not looking that good.

Had a meeting with my New RD and yeah alot of things are going to be interesting but i can go to Oregon with Brandon and apprently my cousin kerrie who is just graduating college is interested in moving to Oregon? i don't know. But it looks like a definate possiblity that i'll still be able to get off for like i don't know... Harry Potter book night... or something of the like.

Also here it is. This is the invitation. It is 15 dollars to get from NY to Boston. on a lovely bus. Please visit. both brandon and I will be here and will be more then willing to play with you all in a new city, i think i have an airmattress you could use... or at least my friend Jenna does. My friend becky has a pool on the roof of her apartment building, i have a huge space... come play. This includes all almost high school graduates as well as rising juniors and seniors in college. As well as many in graduate school. Come play.